So, what I really want to say right now is ... "fuck it!"... yep, that's what I want to say.  But I can't, I can't say that.  It's ummmm well not really very nice and well, I don't want to offend and there's definitely people I know who I do not want to see me saying words like that.... guess that stems from respect huh.  There's no problem with that, just that right now I just want to scream and shout and say "FUCK IT!!!"  *sighs*  


So why shouldn't I say it?  Why, why the hell not!?  I think that sometimes it is a good idea to censor thoughts before they fly out into the stratosphere as words, words which then are OUT THERE and you can't take them back then.  Words that can also be filled with some regret.  Although, if you are feeling something and you don't say how you really feel but you censor it, are you being untrue to yourself?  Are you being untrue to those around you or are you sparing feelings of another... or yourself?  


I've heard it said that the truth comes out in the heat of the moment.  Is that really true?  If I said that right now I don't want to be here, does that become the absolute truth forever, or is it just for now?  The right here and now.  


Maybe I just feel wrestless?  Maybe I just feel like I don't exist anymore.  That part is true.  I feel like I don't.  I'm just a mum, I'm just a wife, I'm nothing else.  I don't even know what I am or who I am or who I even was!  Who was I?  Who am I?